Read Compelled to Control: Recovering Intimacy in Broken Relationships By J. Keith Miller

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Compelled to Control: Recovering Intimacy in Broken Relationships-J. Keith Miller

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Ebook About
this exciting book breaks new ground in identifying the major cause of relationship failure as the need to control — in marriages and families, with friends and within organizations. Compelled to Control reflects Miller’s sweeping knowledge as a thinker, a speakers and a writer. Going far beyond “how to control a controller,” Miller speaks from the perspective of experience and personal change. ”When a controller has the sense of life being out of control,” he says, “he or she reacts with an even stronger need to ‘get things under control’…usually with the negative result of alienating the people who matter the most.” Miller tackles this deeply denied, seemingly universal phenomenon with compassion and offers a way out of the dilemma. He tells who to approach broken relationships in new ways, leaving behind destructive patterns of perfectionism and self-justification. Keith miller is one of those rare writers who can combine intellectual acuity with deeply felt insight born of his own struggle for authenticity.Compelled to Control is an impressive contribution to the literature of recovery and personal change.

Book Compelled to Control: Recovering Intimacy in Broken Relationships Review :



This is the first time I have ever felt compelled to write a review on anything; but I feel that this book has literally saved my life! My life recently started falling apart; my professional life was no longer fulfilling and became a drain on me, I stopped doing many of the things I enjoyed, a profound sense of sadness overtook my life...then my wife announced she wanted a divorce. I looked at myself as a 55 year old failure, who has never achieved the true happiness that I've yearned for all my life. At that point I just wanted to die...death seemed like the only logical way to escape the enveloping pain and loneliness. My doctor got me on the necessary med's , and I started seeing a psychologist. My wife said I was too controlling, and the psychologist agreed, which amazed me as I don't have a controlling bone in my body; or so I thought. Trying to find an answer I came upon this book. I don't know how he did it, but the author has followed me around all my life and wrote a book about me! Almost every page I've had an "oh-my-god" moment, as I saw my life and how I've felt described and explained to me; I have never allowed myself to cry so much. I was a very controlling person, covertly and passively, and I now see where it came from and what it has cost me. I knew I always pushed down my feelings, but didn't realize the consequences. I have always considered the 12 step programs for the weak; those who wouldn't take responsibility for controlling their own lives. This book has made me do a complete 180. As a non-christian I've also had trouble with reading books that made it seem that going to church and handing over your life to God is the only way out. But I now feel that there is a higher power, that some things happen that I just can't control. I still don't believe in God, but that there are forces in the natural world that causes the unexplainable to happen. This book could be the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you.
I loved this book, although it was extremely tough to admit that I may have anything in common with addicts, since I am the closest thing to a teetotaler there is.It was through this book I learned what I think is the key to most Western psychological problems. I have subsequently written about my personal discoveries on my website.Yes, I read many other reviews complaining about the fact that it's written in 12 Step Language, and at first I felt this was a challenge too. I have since come to believe that Western culture in general and U.S. 'culture' specifically suffer from an absolute epidemic of Control Disease.It's also made me realize that I would not have been able to create intimacy in my life without understanding my own controlling behaviors. This understanding has led me to be able to assist my lifecoaching clients more fully. Much appreciation to J. Keith Miller for writing this book.

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